hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
