Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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