hotel room ftw
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
