sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I AM VODKA MAN
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
