Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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