I must be too annoying 4 u.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
