i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
well you can't waste a boner
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
