A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
now i know why i became what i already was.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
