dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
