I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
