I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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