you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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