Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
