She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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