i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
