I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
