This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
