Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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