I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
