You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
