I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A+ Viking dick
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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