My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
