Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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