apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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