She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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