you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
