Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Someone came in the potted fern
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
