AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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