what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
