Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
