i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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