Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
