so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if only i could text you this smell
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
