We won't sleep together?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
