We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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