What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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