we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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