Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
