The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
