I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Randomize
