I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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