What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
