I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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