my vag is so smooth its legendary
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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