There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
vagina is talking i cant
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
