It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
