girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
