just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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