Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
