You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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