I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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