There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
