I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
